Proposed by Katherine
Issue:
In an attempt to bring both more safety and consciousness to the meeting, I propose that we have a reading that addresses predatory behavior in the meeting.
Background:
I have been at previous meetings where this was done and found it highly effective for group safety. Additionally, I have been the recipient of repeated predatory behavior, including verbal abusive attacks by one long-term member (explicit swear words spoken directly to me) and other predatory behavior by members.
Optional:
Some members may not have outgrown their persecutor or perpetrator traits and may try to meet their needs with fellow travelers. We ask members to be mindful of their motivations when seeking connection and to prioritize recovery, respect, and healthy boundaries while utilizing the “I” statement while sharing. Before approaching another member, consider: ‘Am I seeking connection from a place of recovery, or am I looking for someone to meet needs I am still learning to meet in healthy ways?’ Unwanted attention, repeated advances, targeting vulnerable members or newcomers, or any behavior that feels coercive, manipulative, or predatory is not appropriate in this space, and we are committed to maintaining a safe environment where everyone can focus on healing and recovery.
28 thoughts on “Motion 26-10: Addressing Predatory Behavior”
I have had trouble tolerating the behavior of the person proposing this and find it a bit ironic and am not surprised that there as been conflict. I’ve heard posts in the coffee chats criticized in the break-out room which some claim is crosstalk. I’ve also beein in the after-meeting when rudeness has prevailed. Maybe there should be consequences like taking a break from attending the meeting for a period of time. Feel free not to publish this.
I don’t understand what I’m asked to comment on. What phrasing would be used? I don’t think this is necessary and seems like an issue that a proposal / verbiage will not resolve.
I believe occasionally mentioning the predatory behavior policy already in place would be valuable. https://www.acamorning.org/predatory-behavior-safety-protocol/
I dont feel that any changes need to be made. the meeting is basically free of this and people who are very emotional can interpret others comments as about them. leave it alone
Since attending this “Strengthening My Recovery” meeting and it’s after-meeting, I have noticed that (some) people have a tendency to speak harshly and critically of those who chair and provide leadership in this space, – which significantly reduces the emotional safety I feel here.
To everyone who attends here, please don’t act out your “authority figure” issues by criticizing those who serve in this space, as un-paid volunteers.
I would feel very grateful if all who attend “Strengthening My Recovery” would please start to treat those in leadership, (and all who do service) with the respect and dignity they deserve, as people who are offering their time and heart to help us all!
well said!
this is exactly where we learn how to self-regulate which inherently means this will happen again and is not “unsafe” but more so human. there is a lack of rotation in this meeting in all areas and those who are holding on? thinking it’s “their meeting and it’s the best”?
may wanna…let go. if a meeting fails it fails. if this meeting fails to evolve …it will go away…those un service of after meeting? not nuff rotation. ego.
The primary meeting is pretty time constrained as it is and there are clear references to safety. If it is correct that these behaviors occur more in the after-meeting, perhaps incorporating it into an after meeting script would be a good idea. I’m also in favor of an after-meeting script as I believe it would help set the tone more clearly and consistently and also make it easier on the after-meeting hosts.
I am strongly against adopting this proposal as written. Here’s why:
1. A statement at the opening of the meeting, asking participants to be mindful of predatory behavior, basically asks them to expect it and watch for it. I don’t think that is a healthy projection for our meeting.
2. At the end of the meeting, we address safety with this statement: “The security of our members is important to this group. To understand appropriate behavior, we encourage everyone to read the SAFETY section of our website.”
If this section of the website needs updating or rewriting to address current concerns then, so be it. The website can be modified.
3. I question whether this is an action suggested for the safety and unity of the group or whether this is a reaction to heightened emotions involving just a few people.
well said!
I agree that a script for the after meeting might contain some language regarding predatory behavior which may include reach out to fix others as well as pursuing romantic relationships.
Hopefully, the language would be brief to provide awareness without producing fear of reaching out for fellow travelers.
I also like encouraging people to use ‘I, me and my’ when sharing avoiding ‘you, we and us’ as this promotes individual experiences rather than giving advice or speaking for or about others
I agree! Yes using I statements very important!
I feel exhausted by constantly hearing and reading someone focus on other people’s predatory behaviour, darkness, and perceived wickedness, while this perspective seems to remain rooted in a victimhood mindset (Trait 5).
Projection can be a powerful thing to witness. At what point does this person’s old script get updated or amended?
I guess it happens when they turn inward and begin the work of reparenting themselves, rather than continuing to feed the drama and trauma.
I have mixed feelings about this proposal. On one hand, having language that names inappropriate behaviour is a big help. It helps us recognize what might not be healthy and leaves nobody alone to deal with it. On the other hand, I kind of doubt that adding a general statement about predatory behaviour will do much to diminish a given trait. Traits need ore work than that (that’s why we need to work the program on our own, not just in meetings). For that reason, I am not in favour of adding this statement to the script. I would however be in favour of considering the addition of language to the after-meeting script, where conditions seem to me more likely to make inappropriate behaviour like this more common.
Please resubmit tgis proposal with the suggested wording. As it currently appears, there is no action to take.
All good, thoughtful comments. I would add that perhaps we could start with a statement at the top of the after meeting, as a reminder, that we share our own experiences. we don’t give advice and we use eye statements and not we. Thank you.
i agree, it seems the after meeting needs this fine tuning. I statements are best. thanks
All good, thoughtful comments. I would add that perhaps we could start with a statement at the top of the after meeting, as a reminder, that we share our own experiences. we don’t give advice and we use eye statements and not we. Thank you.
aftermeeting needs boundaries indeed; and the script should lower incidents like today’s, with a member addressing another directly – and telling them how to share after they had shared their own experience. the member also was telling us all “rules from al anon and 12 step…”. i chose to leave feeling unsafe with the member’s critique of another’s share and the prospect of a member feeling thry are an authority figure.
The motion asks for a statement or ‘reading’, during the meeting, that addresses the safety concerns of predatory behavior.
Thankfully there have not been any recent safety issues during the meeting that would warrant a change to our script or protocols.
It is during the After-meeting that safety concerns become an issue. In my opinion, the space for a statement or reading about predatory behavior would be during the After-meeting.
Happily, there is a proposal about to be voted on that suggests we create an After-meeting host script. If the proposal for a script is approved, we could consider incorporating safety language rhere.
Perhaps a reminder that responses within ourselves occurring during the meeting are OURS to act on appropriately after self reflection, rather than reacting in what might otherwise be counterproductive or abusive.
The Longer Serenity Prayer
God, Grant me the Serenity
to accept the people I cannot change,
Courage to change the one I can,
and Wisdom to know that one is me.
Grant me Patience with the changes that take time,
Appreciation of all that I have,
Tolerance of those with different struggles, (humility)
And the Strength to get up and try again,
One Day at a Time.
One thing I noticed while reflecting on this motion is how easily I, an adult child, can perceive others as victimizers or villains when I feel unsafe. When I do that, I move into my own victim role, which then activates my rescuer, leaving me wanting to fix the situation or protect others. In ACA, I recognize this as part of the Game of Dissociation aka Drama Triangle.
Because of that awareness, I see value in language that promotes consciousness and healthy boundaries without encouraging members to label one another. Rather than focusing on who is or isn’t a perpetrator, I believe it is more helpful to invite everyone to reflect on their own motivations, behaviors, and recovery. A reading that encourages self-awareness, respect for boundaries, and the use of “I” statements can strengthen safety while supporting ACA’s emphasis on personal responsibility and healing.
I would love for their to be some directions for this as I do become very uneasy and have been very thankful I was not hosting during these sessions.
I am so appreciative of a safe place to share.
the motion may have validity; for the group’s serenity, yet is it sincere if taking out another member to justify the ends?
the proposal is valid yet reflects laundry list traits which are genderless, and revealing of unresolved parental enduced trauma…like us all. could the motion please consider removing their personal grievences with a current member who made ammends. or are we here to cancel the male gender in general to heal our core wounds. good motion. poorly written and too personal, in my humble narcisistic state. (children at birth are inherently narcisistic….regardless of gender….)….science…..as someone who was there when a member swore at you. did you comment on them in chat as they spoke. let’s write about resentments before we process em here? namma stay.
Thank you for bringing this forward. I support including this in meeting script. Maybe not every day, but on a regular basis. There are many who identify with the “flip side of the laundry list” and may (unconsciously or not) practice a controlling behavior in an attempt to seek fellowship. The way this is worded is gentle and invitational to those who are recovering from the “flip side” traits.
This motion would be strengthen by describing how to seek support from the meeting volunteers if someone experienced a predatory behavior related the SMR meeting.
It is shocking and disheartening to hear that this behavior occurs. That said, I have strong reservations about any further safety language in the script. The meeting already has a robust safety-violation protocol in place — reporting, review, warnings, and enforcement mechanisms — all the result of exhaustive collective effort about three years ago.
very well said, agreed.
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